so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize