You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize