I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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