Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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