i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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