I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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