you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize