My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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