We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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