My Higher Power is John Stamos
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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