she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
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There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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