I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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