it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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