you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
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I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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