right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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