lets start a swedish sibling band together
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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