there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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