i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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