it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize