oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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