I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize