STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
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Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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