Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize