He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
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The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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