I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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