you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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