i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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