So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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