You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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