We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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