also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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