hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
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I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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