My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
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I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
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Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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