Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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