Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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