Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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