how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I need a beard to bite.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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