i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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