i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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