She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize