Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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