the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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