Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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