Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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