Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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