you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
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he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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