Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
50% drunk capacity currently
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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