in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I wish there were birth control emojis
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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