Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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