She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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